6-DEC-2015: Hurstville GC – GUZZLERS CUP Final – Single Stableford



After repelling the evil Stormtropers from the Goulburn Galactic Empire last week, a large task force of rebel warriors and Jedi Knights (26 combatants) from the Revesby Rebel Alliance landed on the desolate Golf planet called Hurstville to capture the source of infinite power, the Guzzlers Cup (qualifiers are those who have captured the Guzzlers Cup during the year).

Previous visits to this hostile terrain had resulted in high casualties, with many crashing and burning on the slippery green slopes. Obstacles are many, with natural terrain like trees and water to be avoided, whilst holes may appear to have a mysterious impenetrable protective shield surrounding their edges 🙁

The battle order was for an 0620 hours start from the 10th white grid vector, with initial groups of combatants sweeping the terrain in fast Land Speeders, followed by Speeder Bikes and towards the end, the lumbering Walkers.

Visibility was fine, with meteorological conditions conducive to rapid deployment and more accurate fire-play. Some Jedi Knights had Bushnell Lightsabers at their disposal, whilst the remainder relied on their titanium and/or steel Blasters to knock out defences.

Whilst a communication blackout occurred between some groups, the battle plan completed like clock-work. The slippery slopes of green were initially much slower, however, a green-staff saboteur slipped in behind the first group on the second nine and scalped the slippery slopes 🙁

Revesby’s Commander-In-Chief, Emperor Steve Palpatine Vaughn, checked all battle reports and intelligence reports from the rebels and knights, before announcing the Return of the Best Jedi.

Yes, George Lucas may have sold his Star Wars franchise to Disney back in 2012, but we don’t have to wait for the next instalment as it happened today when The Force Awakened with Jedi Shane “Yoda” Thorn, who literally tore the planet apart with a mind-blowing 46 points off a handicap of seven. Capturing five (5) birdies, with 22 putts, for a scratch score of three under par, Shane’s score has to be a Revesby record!

A very steady Jedi Knight in the past, Shane’s record win in capturing the Guzzlers Cup today has elevated him to a Master Jedi – may The Beer be with you!

Sorry, I meant may The Force be with you (well, I guess most Aussies believe the two are interchangeable) 🙂



The A-Grade winner saw the Return of Another Jedi who recently lost The Force, ended up imprisoned in carbonite and went into limbo. Breaking out of the carbonite deep sleep, a rejuvenated and revengeful Jedi, Ryan “Starkiller” Johnston, went into hyper-drive to post a very good score of 40 points. When asked how he re-discovered his form, Ryan stated he had an epiphany and found A New Hope and visualised the Johnston Swing Strike Back 🙂





The B-Grade winner went to Ian “Hands Solo” Lindberg, a rebel who flew his Millennium Falcon over the oceans of green single-handedly to amass a whopping 44 points. Couldn’t capture the Guzzlers Cup, but took the gold instead and thanked his reformed-smoker playing partner, Chew-Tobacco, for the good advice – a wonderful effort and aptly rewarded by the Rebel Alliance 🙂





The C-Grade winner went to a mercenary infiltrator from Kiwi-land, John “Boba Lov-Fett”, who managed to track down and eliminate all other C-Graders with a jet-pack high score of 40 points. Even a four-putt on the dreaded par3 4th hole couldn’t undo his contract. A bountiful effort, just make sure you avoid the Sarlacc sand-pits in any future endeavour 🙂



Next best thing to a winners cheque on the day was the Guzzler’s, and with a sound score of 41 points, Mark “C3PO” McDonald was lost for words in accepting the silver cup. Normally fluent in over six million forms of communication, etiquette and customs, Mark eventually intimated that his good score was due to his ability to disable the shield generator surrounding many holes, particularly holes 1-9 where he scored 24 points.
A prized reward for the Trophies Officer 🙂

The ignominious Bradmans went to three chaps who deserve to be thrown overboard into the dreaded Sarlacc sand-pits – their membership into the Rebel Alliance has been revoked 🙁

Congratulations to another mercenary, Ryan Cassin The Assassin, who easily took out the Point-score Leaderboard event with a record score that will be extremely difficult to beat in years to come. Took the last game very easy and it almost came back to bite him but for the grace of George 🙂

Individual results on the day:

2015 GUZZLERS CUP WINNER: Shane Thorn [7] 46 pts
A Grade Winner: Ryan Johnston [12] 40 pts
B Grade Winner: Ian Lindberg [21] 44 pts
C Grade Winner: John Lovett [28] 40 pts

GUZZLER’s CUP: Mark McDonald [20] 41 pts

Nearest To Pins: S.Vaughn(2), J.Lovett(4), W.Higgs(11), C.Poletti(12), K.Harris(16), K.Little(18)

Drive & Pitch: B.Craven(10)

A Grade: George Lattouf [13] 30 pts c/b
B Grade: Noel Connolly [19] 22 pts
C Grade: Paul Dawkins [27] 21 pts

Comments are closed.