18-MAR-2018: Bankstown GC – 4th Rnd Championships


Hallelujah brother, I am here to comfort the poor golfer and return the stray shot to the fairway, let them who are vexed take heart, for today sees 32 sinners show up for the fourth and last round of the Club Championships.

What makes a champion?

Do they visualise like Jason Day as an aid to translate thought into action or are they inspired by motivational quotes?

For us mere mortals at Revesby, brought up on a healthy diet of American movies over the many decades, could it be that these movies have permeated our sub-conscious to move us to tears or give us courage to keep going on the golf course?

Let’s see if you can identify your inspiration and for the sceptical few, “you can’t handle the truth!“.

There’s no place like home” when playing at Bankstown golf course.  Today’s game started from the social white tees on the 10th hole at 7:15am, a reasonable time for those that “love the smell of napalm in the morning“.

Flags were situated in location “B” quadrant on the greens whilst prefer-on-fairways only and putting out on each green (its stroke play) were the Galactic Empire orders of the day.

Any compliance issues with the rules will be put down to “what we’ve got here…is failure to communicate“.

The course defences of bunkers, water hazards and subtle, but slippery contoured greens, were fully primed and begged the question “is it safe?…is it safe?“.

Some individuals scoffed at the dangers and called upon their inner-demons:

‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?

The leading contenders in each grade were grouped together based on the old mafia principle, “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer“.

The game progressed slowly, and as the Sun rose, so did the temperature and wind.  The latter groups were melting away under the 39 degrees weather, with some players crying out “I feel the need…the need for speed“.

Game over, man! It’s game over!” was the catch-phrase for many after the hot round.

With all score cards collected, only 7 players played to or bettered their handicap (71 nett) today, with CCR set to a provisional 72.

The outright winner on the day went to Phil White with a well crafted score of 67 nett (handicap 13).

Made it, Ma! Top of the world!” – was a cry of glee after a round marred by crooked hook shots in the trees, often salvaged by accurate recovery irons and very good putting.

Like most A-graders, had some luck from the ricochets from trees, but kept the damage down to a single double-bogey and grabbed a birdie as well.

His reward for his efforts was “show me the money“, after all, “greed, for lack of a better word, is good” 🙂

The A grade winner was Ryan Cassin with a good score of 68 nett (handicap 14) – on a count-back.

Out-muscled the scribe and Kila on a count-back, he kept the ball in play from the tee and somehow extracted himself out of six bunkers to amass three double-bogeys and one birdie in his round.

Chipping was only fair but his putting was extremely good.

His comment on the close win was “larf was lark a box of chocklit, you never know what you gonna git” 🙂

The B grade winner was Jeff Hilder with a solid score of 70 nett (handicap 18).

Celebrating his 65th birthday and retirement today, Jeff could not have wished for a better present.

His swing was as smooth as slippery oysters and his putting as delicate as the shell-like skin on a prawn.

Come to think of it, he also devoured a basket load of the them during the game.

It was a tension-free game, a picnic to play, so it was just “go ahead, make my day“.

What about work after June? – its “hasta la vista, baby

The C Grade winner was Gary McMahon with a solid score of 70 nett (handicap 25).

Came out swinging like Tarzan, literally, as he swung from tree-to-tree.

He was everywhere, but he managed to get the ball back into play and take advantage of his exceptional chipping and very good putting.

The trees proved no obstacle to him as he shouted “open the pod bay doors, please, HAL“.

A rewarding performance, so “here’s looking at you, kid” 🙂


The Guzzlers winner was Ken Little with a good score of 68 nett (handicap 14) on a count-back.

Sir Shankalot subsisted on a lamb-free diet all week to compile a steady round (for once).

Kept the ball in play most of the time, he managed to pull-off some extraordinary up-and-down chips with the lob wedge to minimise damaging scores, with 7 pars and 11 bogeys.

Putting was sound but like many players today, found it difficult to sink any.

Asked about the change in form, the scribe responded:

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.  How he got in my pyjamas, I don’t know“.


Now its time for the Bradman awards, so “round up the usual suspects“:


The Bradmen winners were George Lattouf (84 nett), Graham Dean (Disq) and Ronnie Knebusch (88 nett) for A, B and C grade, respectively.




George has been in good form lately, but somehow lost his mojo today.

As usual, he explained his loss of form as follows:

You don’t understand! I coulda had class.  I coulda been a contender.

I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am” 🙁


Graham for the second time threw in the towel and DQ’d at Bankstown after missing a putt from 6 inches on the par4 4th hole.  When his wife picked him up in the car park, she asked how did he play, he replied:

Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” 🙁

Ronnie has just moved into C-grade, so can consider himself unlucky.  Still, he should transmit “Houston, we have a problem” to get help about his dysfunctional game today 🙁



  1. Best score was Phil White with 67 nett.
  2. Shane Thorn lost George Lattouf’s scorecard on the par5 14th hole and didn’t realise it until he had finished the hole some 20 minutes later (lots of lost balls to find).

After playing the 15th and 16th holes, Shane deviated back to the 14th tee (“Shane. Shane. Come back!“) to search for the missing score card.

He found it some 30 metres in front of the tee on the wet and muddy cart path.  It must have been run over by several carts, because it was covered in mud.

It was the dirtiest looking score card ever submitted after a Revesby game, and it was only fitting George’s score was as foul.

  1. Steph Suzor uploaded a link to a Phil Mickelson Chipping 101 video for members to view.

The responses from Steve Vaughn and Gary McMahon were ecstatic as it did wonders to their game (so they say).

Proof is in the pudding as Gary McMahon won C grade today based on the strength of his chipping 🙂



  1. Gary Buckley did a great chip to two feet on the par3 3rd hole (eagles nest) today. Unfortunately, he 4-putted from two feet 🙁

He did bounce back on the par4 5th hole (drive&pitch) when he chipped to 6-foot and sank the putt for a birdie3.

2.Matt Campbell can count his blessings today when he shot an awful 114 strokes in B-grade, but managed to avoid the Bradmans (thanks to GD).

He did create a record for what is considered the fastest century scored (now referred to as a Dougie Walters century) by compiling his century after 15 holes.

What is another unique feat claimed by Matt is he also had an air-swing in the bunker on the 6th hole.  He even raked the bunker after the air-swing:-(

Matt’s head must have been still spinning, because he even forgot his sand-iron on the second last hole.

You think that was end of his woes?

He was driving home towards the M5 when the scribe found his wallet left on the table in the clubhouse 🙁

That’s it from the scribe, until next time when “I’ll be back” 🙂


Revesby results on the day:

Outright Winner: Phil White [13]   67 nett

A Grade Winner:  Ryan Cassin [14]  68 nett  c/b

B Grade Winner:  Jeff Hilder [18]  70 pts

C Grade Winner:  Gary McMahon [25] 70 nett

GUZZLER’s CUP:   Ken Little [15]   68 nett  c/b


A Grade:  George Lattouf [13]   84 nett

B Grade:  Graham Dean [19]      Disq.

C Grade:  Ronnie Knebusch [21]  88 nett

NOTE: c/b = count-back

Nearest To Pins:  P.Kilazoglou(3), S.Thorn(7), J.Hilder(11), P.Kilazoglou(13), K.Little(15)

Drive & Pitch:      S.Vaughn(5)

Movie quotes:

Did you guess which movies the quotes came from (in order of appearance)?

A Few Good Men

Wizard of Oz

Apocalypse Now

Cool hand Luke

Marathon Man

Dirty Harry

The Godfather Part II

Top Gun


White Heat

Jerry McGuire

Wall Street

Forrest Gump

Sudden Impact

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

2001: A Space Odyssey


Animal Crackers


On The Waterfront

Gone With The Wind

Apollo 13


The Terminator

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